Sunday, July 31, 2016
Two Years (and still going!)
Well, it's been over two years now that I began one of the greatest struggles of my life. And how am I doing? Great! Am I cured? Far from. I feel blessed to be stable. A little over medicated, but I'm ok with it right now as I'm going through a lot of stresses in my life. We moved from San Antonio, Texas up to the great state of Washington. Uprooting myself has been a hard thing for me. I had a great therapist and a good psychiatrist. He empowered me to take control of my medications. And then there was the comfort of the psychiatric hospital pretty much in my backyard. Moving has been a great leap of faith. "Faith is not faith until it's all you're hanging onto" a great friend once said. And here I am living in a tiny town. And I am ok with it. Drugs, therapists, they all help, but the biggest thing that brought everything together to make it mesh was faith. I had to practice having faith that I could be content and that I would feel better one day. That was the biggest help for me. But like I said, it was in a combination of the three. I believe in meds. I believe God has blessed us with that knowledge. Does it take time to find the right mix? Absolutely. My heart goes out to those still struggling. I feel blessed that it only took two years to get me where I am today. But I'm not through. I am still over medicated, meaning I don't have much emotions one way or another and I sleep too well. I love sleep. So I have things to tweak. But most of what I want to say is that I've discovered that there's hope and there is a light in that dark tunnel of problems and trials. Take each day one at a time if you have to. I remember thinking that I would never be able to stop thinking about being depressed. It consumed my thoughts every day. But I don't worry about it now. It was work, but I got through it. So work on! You can survive until tomorrow. You don't have to worry that you're going to feel crazy for the next five years. Seek all the help you can get. And just try. Trying felt so hard at first. But take it one day, one hour at a time.